The Way To Happiness

Archive for August, 2009

All of us have days when we’re out of sorts. You just wish you were in a better mood. You’ve had days like that, haven’t you? Perhaps you tried to get yourself into a better state of mind but struggled to achieve it.

Sometimes we get stuck in our own emotional dumps and forget how easy it is to feel happier, so here are seven simple ways to lift your mood. Many people have found them useful. Some of them may surprise you!

1. Go for a walk.

Most people know that going for a short daily walk is one of the best forms of exercise. When you are feeling down it is even more beneficial. If you can, go into a natural environment with plants and birds. Can you think of such a setting not? What do you notice first? The different shades of greenery, the fresh smell of country air, the sounds of birds, or the sunlight shining through the trees? Make it real by taking a short stroll.

2. Listen to quality music.

Music can shift a listener’s state within moments. It’s effect can be nearly magical. Dig out that CD you haven’t listened to in ages or tune in your radio to something you’ve never listened to before.

3. Open yourself to discovering something new.

Read something (printed, not on line) different than what you would normally watch. There are a ton of different types of magazines can you get these days. Visit your local library or browse through a magazine rack. Pick up or buy a magazine you wouldn’t normally buy. You may discover something wonderful.

4. Find something to laugh at.

Laughter is one of the best ways to lift your spirits. Find a humorous book, or watch a comedy. Even better, try to learn a few new jokes and tell them to others.

5. Simple breathing meditation.

Breathing meditation is a great exercise that you can do anywhere. Simply allow yourself to sit comfortably with your back straight. Now close your eyes and become aware of the flow of air into and out of your nostrils. That’s all there is to it. Do this for 10-15 minutes. Notice how pleasantly surprised you can be at how you feel afterward.

6. Doodling for the fun of it.

Most people can remember when they were young and used to doodle for hours. Kids love drawing silly little pictures. Drawing is not just for kids or artists. Whoever you are get some pens, pencils, crayons or whatever you have and just draw for the fun of it. Notice how your state of mind shifts.

7. Think of others less fortunate.

The fact that you are reading this article suggests that you are probably much better off than most people on this planet. At times this may be hard to believe, but if you can read and have access to the internet, just those two things alone means you are better off than most people in the world. There are many human beings that barely have access to the basics of survival. There are people in lots of pain. Allow your compassion for them to grow.

These are all pretty simple. There’s nothing profound or life changing, but when all you need is a quick pick me up these may be just the thing you need. Putting simple ideas, methods, tools and techniques into action will help you achieve change more quick and easily–surprisingly so at time– than you imagine.

Do you know that you are emitting signals that the universe responds to? It’s like we’re all emitting radio signals that go out into the universe and match us up with anything on the same wavelength, bringing to us the circumstances and events which make up our lives.

The signals you emit are made up of your thoughts, beliefs, and the emotions that these create within you. You’re experiences tend to match what you’ve got your focus upon.

You do have the power to affect your experiences by paying attention to what you focus upon. This is where your power is. If you are focused upon the negative aspects of your experience, you will create more of the same, which you then focus on and create more of, and so on in a vicious cycle. Fortunately, this works the other way around too! If you choose to focus on the positive aspects of any experience, you will create more positive aspects you can then focus on, and continue bringing more positive experiences into your life. Even if you can only find one positive aspect to focus on in a situation that has many more negative aspects, and you keep choosing to keep your focus on the one positive part, you will soon see improvement in that situation that will give you more that’s positive to focus on. It’s a gradual, continual process. And it works!

Just because something is how it is, does not mean it has to stay that way! Just because you’ve had a lot of it in the past, does not mean you’re doomed to have more of it in the future! If you don’t like it, know that you do have the power to change it. And if you do like it, know that you can create more of it, if you wish to.

Gradually shifting your perception to include more of what you do like, opens the flow so more like it can come to you.

Over the last few years I have found many incredibly helpful resources to help anyone along the path to greater joy. Now I’m setting up a website to share these resources with others.

Wishing you increased satisfaction and more joy!

Carrie McLain

I have had many confidence issues in my life, all of which I have either dealt with or overcome. I have written about some of these issues below.

1. The Bald Patch

2. My height

3. My weight

4. The stutter

5. My lack of belief in myself

6. My career

THE BALD PATCH

Even though to some people it may seem trivial, I was born with a bald patch the size of a ten pence piece. As I went through childhood and especially the teenage years I became more and more self-conscious and paranoid about it.

It was especially noticeable when it rained or when I went swimming as my hair would become wet. People at school would ridicule me and I was forever trying to hide and cover the bald patch even though most people knew about it.

It hurt when people laughed at me and eventually I stopped going swimming altogether.

MY HEIGHT

Out of all of my close male family and friends, I am the shortest at 5ft 4. This probably should not influence my confidence however with people continually looking down on me it did. I have been called many names, the nicest being “Shorty”.

I was always jealous of other people taller than I was. I hoped that one day I might have a late spurt. This never came.

My height affected me with sport. I wanted to be a striker at football however the coaches only wanted people over 6ft tall. At snooker I am constantly have to use the rest which makes it difficult to play up to the best standard and at tennis I was constantly being lobbed. It also meant that I only felt comfortable dating women 5ft 3 and under which reduces the available market considerably.

MY WEIGHT

During senior school I was very thin. This may have been the result of my parents turning vegetarian when I was twelve. At the time there were very few replacement foods and it seemed as though we went from having meat and two veg to just two veg.

As my parents cooked the food I had little option but to also turn vegetarian. After a few weeks I approached them and told them that I missed and wanted to eat meat. They were understanding to a degree and said:

“If you want it, you cook it”

At this age I could only really be bothered to cook properly a few days of the week and that gradually became less and less.

People at school would call me names like skin and bone and my weight became another area of paranoia for me.

THE STUTTER

At the age of four I developed a stutter. This became gradually worse as I became older even though my parents were told that I would grow out of it.

For what fluent people would class as simple tasks like reading from a book at school, answering questions, saying my name and address, ordering items at the bar or in a restaurant, and speaking on the telephone became a constant battle.

It was a very frustrating impediment, as I seemed to be able to talk quite fluently to people I knew well and whom I felt comfortable with, but at other times especially under any form of pressure could not say a word.

At the age of twenty two after about eleven months of sheer hard work and practice I managed to overcome the stutter and I now help other people who stutter to achieve fluency as well as helping people with confidence problems.

MY LACK OF BELIEF

I always had a lack of belief in certain areas.

I would notice a female in a bar for example and would want to go over and talk to her but would have the negative attitude of I’m not good enough, why would she be interested in me? I stutter, I have a bald patch, I have a menial job and I am very thin.

Even if I approach her and am successful, I would then be expected to buy her a drink, possibly phone her, possibly meet her parents, and maybe even get married! The thought of attempting these things with a stutter and with a lack of social confidence was far too daunting for me.

I left school at sixteen mainly due to a lack of confidence and the stutter, but then had the problem of finding a job. Again my lack of belief came shining through. Who would want to employ somebody with a stutter, who has a lack of confidence and who is shy around people?

MY CAREER

After leaving school at the age of sixteen I now had to find employment. Suffering with a stutter and a general lack of confidence meant that work involving the phone or regular interaction with other people were not really an option.

I decided that I could probably cope with filing duties in an office and eventually gained a position at an insurance company.

I started at the lowest grade, a grade two and the work was routine and mundane. The average time to stay at this level before being promoted was six months. The grade three post involved sharing a phone and this is something I found very difficult to use.

To become upgraded you had to apply in writing to the personal officer and then if you passed the interview were then promoted. My attitude was that if I don’t apply I would stay as a grade two, which is what I wanted. I was probably the only person in the country who did not want to be promoted.

My boss would ask me at regular intervals why I was not applying and I would make up an excuse. To keep him happy I took the insurance exams. After three years I had completed the first qualification which was a set of five exams. To my horror my boss congratulated me by stating that he was upgrading me to a grade three starting Monday without the need of an interview.

This promotion should in effect have given me a confidence boost however with my stutter out of control under the pressure and some of my colleagues mocking me I became more and more withdrawn and depressed.

I would be invited to social events and would make up excuses of why I could not go as I had a lack of belief that I could cope with the occasion and all the socialising involved.

There is a bottle of perfume sitting on my dresser that I was given when I was ten years old! As you can tell I have pack rat tendencies! For me that pattern started as a young child. I could never bear to throw things away. There was more to it than not wanting to throw things away. I loved the feeling I had when I would receive something new, and would not want to spoil it by using it unless it was for something special. I would want to save it for a special occasion. A new dress would sit in the closet, until a special event to wear it. Perfume would sit on my dresser, not to be used for everyday, but for a special ’something’. This was a pattern in my life for many years.

Recently though I’ve realized that this is not the best perspective to live life. I don’t want to be like that woman on the Titanic, who when was being lowered into the lifeboat said?”If I’d known this was going to happen I would have had that Chocolate Mousse dessert.” This reflects a view of life that speaks a lie. It is a false belief that if I enjoy something now, I won’t be able to look forward to anything good like that in the future. This belief steals the joy from living in the present, and also lies to me about what the future might hold. Often it takes sad or traumatic situation to cause a person to stop and take stock their life’s perspective and lifestyle. For example, let me tell you how it happened for Ruth.

One day, out of the blue, Ruth got one of those devastating ‘phone calls’ that we all dread receiving. Her sister Jane had passed away unexpectedly. Ruth went over to the home to help her brother in law with the sad task of preparation for the funeral. They were in the bedroom deciding on clothes Jane would wear as she was laid to rest. He pulled out of the drawer some beautiful lingerie wrapped in tissue. Ruth gasped as she saw the astronomical cost on the price tag. “Jane bought this in Paris 8 or 9 years ago. She never wore it. She was saving it for a special occasion. I guess this is it.” he said. It was exquisitely, handmade in silk, with a delicate cobweb of lace .As he slammed the drawer shut he said something that changed Ruth’s life for ever. “Don’t ever save anything for a special occasion. Every day you’re alive is a special occasion!

After the funeral, Ruth began to evaluate her life from a different perspective. She began to see life as something to be enjoyed not endured. Ruth started to make changes, although small at first, for Ruth they had great significance. She sat in the garden more and didn’t worry about the weeds. She wore expensive perfume on ordinary days, after all co workers and cashiers have noses that function just as well as party goers! She lit that candle that had been sitting as a centre piece on the dining room table collecting dust. She got that cracked window fixed, that she’d been meaning to do for years. She invited those friends round for dinner that she’d seen at the last sixteen weddings, and said we must get together.

Ruth determined that she would live each day as if it was her last. Now every morning when Ruth opens her eyes, she tells herself that this day is special. Every day, every breath, every minute of her life is truly a gift from God.
Your life perspective changes when you start living each day as if it was your last. You start to look at all the things that you want to accomplish in life and actually get started!! You stop watching everyone else doing it. Have the courage to start thinking “It’s my turn now” and do what is in your heart.
Grandma Moses began a painting career at age seventy six. Golda Meir was elected Prime Minister of Israel in 1969 at age seventy one.
I recently met a lady in her eighties who, in the last two years, had been white-water rafting, and hiking in the Himalayas. She was excitedly planning her next trip!
Don’t wait years, or until something traumatic happens to get your attention. Start now to reflect on your life’s perspective and begin living without regrets.

I love this quote by Peter Sage, speaker and entrepreneur :

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, “Wow – What a Ride!”

Many people try to hold a raging fire within themselves, but it restlessly and relentlessly gnaws at their core. Some have tried to cover it up with alcohol, numb it with drugs, hide it with shopping, kids, work, or religion, or fuel it with sex. The Baby Boomers looked for eternal youth and to change the world. They thought they would never grow up, but they did. They thought they would change the world and they did.

The previous generation looked for the American Dream. Some found it. Many did not. The present generation seems to be seeking success. Yet, the gap between the “haves” and the “have nots” widens. Each generation and each individual, in turn, searches for something, but it often slips from their grasp.
The fire carries both energy and discomfort. The key is to use the discomfort as a motivator and the energy as fuel.

Redfield in the “Celestine Prophecy” talks of the need for a historical perspective. The first man or woman met his/her physical needs. Then he or she explored and conquered the world and put it to their collective service. Now we seek something and we don’t seem to know what it is.

When we are connected to our roots and our souls, passion rises quickly and pushes us the next level of life or learning or love. It does not have to be love of a mate. It could be creative passion, fueling what we do for ourselves, work, community, or family. Anything where the totality of who you are is absorbed in the doing, requires passion. To loose it, is soul death, or at least deep sleep. It will cry to be heard when it sleeps.

I’ve sometimes been afraid of my passion. It seems so fierce at times. I guess I fear it will consume me and nothing else will matter. I know that can happen. I’ve had a small taste of it when I work for hours into the night, so absorbed by my work that I forget time, sleeping, and eating. But, I also know that I must have time in my life to live the every day life of doing the mundane things that must be done. Balance is probably still the key, but you must not loose your passion all together. Your life will be too dry and dull without it.

Remember your first love? Nothing else mattered. You felt as if you would walk to the ends of the earth for that love. Remember that? While that first passionate, all consuming love does not last, it gives us a taste of a force within ourselves that carries tremendous energy. Look for your passion and it will find you.