The Way To Happiness

Archive for October, 2009

“The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family.”-Thomas Jefferson.

The world may be a dreary, dreadful, and dangerous place to venture into. There may be cut-throat competition in which survival of the mean, cunning, and bully only is possible. It may not be a place for gentle, honest, and kind person like you. It is full of murderers, criminals, rapists, and swindlers. They are ready to snatch away the loaf of bread from your hand. You need a sanctuary from them. You need a place where there is love and care, understanding and compassion, give and take. You need somebody who could guide and protect you. You need somebody who could be equal partner in your joys and sorrows. You need somebody upon whom you could shower your love and care. You need a home and a family.

Parents sacrifice a lot and endure great hardships in up-bringing their children. They are selfless in their love and can even lay their lives for the protection of their children. A spouse is a life time partner in your days of sunshine and rain. Brothers and sisters are your friends and supporters. Your children are your life time fans who love you unconditionally. The love, care, and support of family is a great happiness. Blessed is the person who has got a family. And who amongst us has not got one? But we take family for granted. We don’t recognize it as a great source of happiness. The more happiness you give to your family the more you extract out of it.

You are born into a family and grow up within a family. A family not only provides comfort, enjoyment, and security, but it also gives emotional and spiritual bliss. In fact, one may find so much happiness within family that he or she may not need to search it outside it. The love and care of mother and father, brothers, sisters, sons and daughters, wife or husband sustain us. Though love is one and the same yet the love of each is so different too. A family may extend beyond these immediate relations and may include grand parents, grand children, in-laws, uncles, aunts, nephews, nieces, and other relatives.

Can all the money of the world buy the love and affection of one’s parents? Can one be happy without them? How much enjoyment and happiness they add to our life? Similar is the case with brothers and sisters. At a later stage of life husband or wife becomes practically the sole arbiter of our happiness. Man or woman’s happiness nearly entirely depends on his or her spouse. At a still later stage sons and daughters become a great source of happiness. Bertrand Russell said, ‘I have found the happiness of parenthood greater than any other that I have experienced.’ Family relations give happiness, but at the same time to be a relation also gives happiness. It is happiness unlimited to be a son, a brother, a sister, a father, a mother, a husband, and a wife.

When you kiss your child, don’t you get a kiss in return?

When you hug your sister, don’t you get a hug in return?

When you love your spouse, don’t you get love in return?

Be Happy! You have your family which loves you!

BE HAPPY!

To give happiness is considered a virtue. Please try and make others happy, say the thinkers. I don’t know what precisely they mean by that. So unless I meet one of them and find out the true meaning of the statement, let me put my ideas here and think.

If accidentally, I step on someone’s foot on a busy street, and the other person is not ready to accept my apologies, but thinks that he will be happy only by beating me to pulp, shall I let him do that? Should I reason with him, or make him feel happy. All right, I lie down here without offering any resistance and you please be happy by kicking me as much as you want. After getting so badly beaten, I try to reach a hospital and find out that the doctors and nurses will only feel happy by making me wait for endless hours. If I request them to look at me sooner, they will get angry because many other patients have to be attended to and the medical staff is over-burdened, or so one thinks. So I make them happy, by remaining in pain for long and then get operated wrongly. It was my liver that was injured, but the surgeon wrongly operated on my kidney. Shall I make him/her unhappy by complaining of this blunder? The poor surgeon is already burdened with work and home-related problems. How can I add to them? So? I keep quiet. What of my family? They want me to get healthy again and begin taking their care as soon as possible. But I am in no state of doing that. What shall I do now? How can I make my family unhappy? Some of them have planned vacations; some have to buy other expensive gadgets. If I stay in the hospital, who will pay for all those expenses? So I try going back to work and make money.

But I am so weak and hurt, that I cannot work. My boss feels that he will be very happy by removing me from the job. I accept that without protest. Protesting may make him unhappy. I walk out on the road and am very happy to be killed by a drunk driver on the road. In the whole sequence, if I take a new birth, and go back to every character of this story, I will be surprised to find that they are all are very unhappy with me. My family thinks that I cheated on them by not getting treated properly. My surgeon will think that I should have given him one more chance of operating upon me and making me sicker. My boss thinks that I left an important position that is now difficult to fill. The drunk driver thinks that I intentionally came across the car and got hit.

Life is very difficult, whichever the way you live. Should someone happily surrender to a rapist to make him happy? Strange thinking always produces strange and painful results. Before we start getting beaten by others, we must think about it and decide to find out if they have that right. Otherwise they will always remain unhappy, and we shall always get hit. Does this make us think?

I was boggled as to what exactly I wanted to share with my article lovers tonight. I had a plan, then one of my members commented in my self esteem website. Well, in short, my mind would not let her comment rest. It was a sentence regarding, “CONTROL”. Here it is:

“If I can’t trust my spouse to keep their sexual promise to me why am I in this relationship? I don’t ever want to “control” another person’s life. I choose to believe in the promise until prove otherwise. Positive attracts positive.”

My first thought was,”WOW”! Does one really feel that they are controlling their mate?

How does wanting them to just be with you, become a control factor?

How does your wanting to be just the one, become a control factor?

How does not wanting them to look, or talk personally to another person, become a control factor?

How does making them feel like you are suppose to be the only thing on their minds, become a control factor?

How does checking their phone logs, or their computer logs, become a control factor?

Is wondering what they are doing at every minute, a control factor?

Is questioning them on their every move, a control factor?

Is going through their pockets, looking for anything that might lead you to believe they are breaching their commitment to you, a control factor?

Is deleting messages, they may receive on their computer, a control factor?

Is asking their friends about a certain night out, a control factor?

Is tasting them with a kiss when they have been out, a control factor?

Hmmmm, how many of these questions, or worries, have you been guilty of?

I really have to wonder who it is, that is being controlled with these jealous worries? You or them?

I totally feel that jealousy is controlling you; if you can say yes to half of these questions, it is controlling you in a very, very destructive way. You are becoming caught in a vicious circle. You will search, and through that search you are allowing yourself to be controlled each time you apply any of the above thoughts or actions.

It’s one of those “you are damned if you do, and you are damned if you don`t” situations. To not question and search, you are left to trust and have faith and believe in your relationship. Trust is a hard thing to do when you allow weakness to control your thoughts. To become skeptical with your heart is a very long, lonely journey to nowhere. You have to allow your mind to rest and trust the one you have chosen to give your heart to. Yes it is risky, but that’s what love is. Trust, believe, do not control, and most of all feel like you are that special person they chose as a life partner.

There are going to be times when your partner will be involved with someone that may feel threatening to you. This is when your partner will know the line. They will know to keep their personals in tact. They will know that to cross that line will only set your relationship up for complication. Another good point that was made by a member of my website was this:

“Most of us at some point are sexually attracted to someone other than our spouse but, it’s whether or not we act on that attraction that defines our relationship.”

AND

“I have to ask myself though…is it reasonable to control my significant others’ friendships, “just in case” they develop a sexual attraction?”

This is when the line has to be drawn by both parties. “To be human is to error”. I know that sounds like an excuse to fail another. It may be in some instances and it may not be in others. There are so many situations in life, that I can only generalize.

Again, “CONTROL” is the word that comes to mind here. The control mentioned above, is of oneself again, but in a positive way. We choose to control that moment of lust or interest; there are many words for it. The choice of control is really what matters in a relationship.

The worry of “What if”, will always be hovering. This is where our true commitment lies. It is through belief and trust. Is it not sweeter to feel good about the,”US” in our lives? Is it not finer to feel that we can control the negative thoughts and only allow positive thoughts rule our actions? Well then take a positive, “CONTROL” on your thoughts.

Let your love guide you. Let your love show you the way to a life of smiles and happiness. Oh and HUGGZ. You all know I am big on those. Huggz are a very nice way to control ones body. It can send messages from one to another in the most pleasant way. So, why I ask, is that not something you would do every second you can? It’s like someone saying, “OK, you can eat as much of your favorite food as you want and never gain a single pound”. HA, like as if we would not all take advantage of that in this world of restaurants at every foot of the road, that are full every day . Think about that people.

So, my question for you to think on tonight is,” Do you want to be controlled by you, or do you want to control, you? I will leave you with that thought to ponder and a couple more… HUGGZZZZZZZ plz!!

If you CONTROL your thoughts,

(your feelings come from your

thoughts) then you control your feelings!

********************

You can`t control

what goes on outside,

but you can always control

what goes on inside!

Dorothy Lafrinere
Owner/Operator
Website- http://www.womensselfesteem.com
Weblog- http://www.justblogme.com/Dorothy
Forum- http://womenselfesteem.proboards29.com
email- dorothy@womensselfesteem.com

I was listening to the MSNBC on the radio the other day when a feature came on entitled, ‘The Good Life’. They proceeded to discuss a $14,000 dessert being offered in Sri Lanka that included, amongst other things, an aquamarine. No kidding. This is how MSNBC characterizes the good life. It struck me how in our culture we define the good life more in terms of the consumption of material goods than in relationship to any other quality.

Simply listen to the vast majority of contemporary music on the airwaves these days for confirmation. I have two teenagers in my house so I know all too well: Cristal champagne, expensive cars, first class jet airline seats, bling?the list goes on and on. This is what our kids are being taught: the good life is about having things, not about who you are as a human being. Where are these values coming from? I believe it is a trickle down effect from what they see being honored in our society.

So if the good life is about having things, how is it that so many people who have so many things have lives that lack so much satisfaction and meaning? I am not saying that having money is not a good thing, quite the contrary. We all need financial security. We need to know that we can provide for our families and be free of the pressure of struggling to make ends meet. We all want to live a comfortable life. But where is the point of no return?

“Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.”
Albert Einstein (1879 – 1955), (attributed)

The Worldwide Institute in its 2004 State of the World report explains:

Societies focused on well being involved more interaction with family, friends, and neighbors, a more direct experience of nature, and more attention to finding fulfillment and creative expression than in accumulating goods. They emphasize lifestyles that avoid abusing your own health, other people, or the natural world. In short, they yield a deeper sense of satisfaction with life than many people report experiencing today.

What provides for a satisfying life? In recent years, psychologists studying measures of life satisfaction have largely confirmed the old adage that money can’t buy happiness-at least not for people who are already affluent. The disconnection between money and happiness in wealthy countries is perhaps most clearly illustrated when growth in income in industrial countries is plotted against levels of happiness. In the United States, for example, the average person’s income more than doubled between 1957 and 2002, yet the share of people reporting themselves to be “very happy” over that period remained static.

So if growth in income has not made people happier than obviously they are not living the good life. In order to clarify what the good life is, I do an exercise with clients that involves seeing themselves at some distant point in the future where they are finally who they want to be, they have what they want to have and are deeply satisfied and happy. In other words, they have achieved the ‘Good Life’.

Nearly one hundred percent of the time, without fail, clients do not have visions of extreme wealth. They really don’t talk about wealth at all, at least not in terms of money or possessions. They do not talk about living in a house with every known convenience and luxury. They do talk about a home located in a beautiful setting, perhaps by the ocean or on a lake in the mountains. There is always talk about a place that gives them a feeling of peace and serenity?a place they were meant to be.

They never discuss possessions?ever. No talk of cars, televisions or fancy clothes. It just never comes up. They may mention that they are free to travel but certainly they do not say first class.

They describe themselves as a person who no longer fights feelings of depression, dissatisfaction or dissonance in their lives. They speak of a feeling of acceptance of what is. There is love in their lives although they don’t necessarily mention a specific mate. Just love. There is discussion of deep wisdom accumulated over the years. There is also talk of being surrounded by the people who they hold dear.

Often, if they have children, they will say that they are happy that they have been able to help their kids but more often is the description of children who have grown into responsible, loving and fulfilled human beings. They describe with pride children who are contributors to the world. I hear about pets in the house and perhaps grandchildren. These are folks who have discovered what truly has meaning for them and what they really value.

“Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one’s values.”
Ayn Rand (1905 – 1982)

Values. What are the things to which you attach value? What is important to you? If you had to create a list of the top five things that you value, what would they be? Would it be money, possessions, power, stature and authority? Would it be love, family, integrity, freedom and compassion? Or a combination?

“Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value.”
Albert Einstein (1879 – 1955)

We have all heard the adage about what the epitaph on our tombstone will say or not say. Will it say that she had a powerful job, she flew first class, that she had a Mercedes-Benz and wore only couture? More often you will read on a tombstone that she was a loving Mother and Wife, a charitable person and an outstanding member of the community. Think about how you would like to be remembered? What would you like to hear people say about you at your funeral or memorial? Will it be on how much money you made or how much you consumed? Doubtful.

I remember the funeral of a very dear friend who died suddenly while he was still in his fifties. The Rabbi said that all we have in the end is our good name. Who we were, how we lived, how we loved, our empathy and compassion, service to the world we lived in and the legacy we left to our children and their children.

My own personal take on the good life, at least for me, involves the following: I want to be a person who possesses a deep appreciation for everything that I have: to be grateful. I want to be able to live without the fear of not being able to take care of my kids and myself and yes, I do want to live well. Living well for me is a lovely home in nature; it is being free to travel; it is having the ability to help my kids get a good start in their adult lives; it is having enough money to be able to take good care of myself and to also be charitable. I want to have a life that is filled with meaning, with a deep connection to the world around me.

What is your Good Life? Take the time now to give thought to the life that you want to live, the life that you would describe as the Good Life. Make certain that it is aligned with your values and your passions and to so you must connect with your values and passions. What are they? Think long and hard about what brings you real joy and fulfillment. Remember those times in your life when you were the happiest?what resonated for you in those moments? Consider how you want to be remembered, how you want to look in your children’s eyes. What traits do you admire in others and how can you adopt some of those traits? What have been peak experiences in your life and what was it about those experiences that made them so special?

These are the kind of questions that beg our attention. These are the questions that will ultimately lead us to the Good Life. Not the $14,000 dessert but a life well lived. With meaning, love, comfort, joy and fulfillment.

Welcome to the bridge of Manifest life. Don’ t let any situation take the control. You are the second master of the game, under the universe master law, what you think is what you get. Can that be possible?
Yes it can be, you got to be in a manifesting state, your mind, your body is one, not two.
The flow of energy that is rotating in the universe can break you if you are not going in the right direction. You must follow the law of the universe, and be happy. Do not worry about what is happening, but accept it and act toward a positive trend if it can be done, but never stay without acting when the bad situation, the non lucky time frame is falling on you, this is definitivly a law of the universe, and it will happen again and again, you got to do something, but the thing that will put you on the right track…

You must understand that; be careful, the universe can’ t be redirected, rather you should follow the same direction, and profit from the tremendous flow of vital energy coming from the six directions.
Good force are there, but you must know how to avoid the bad forces. Although the positive forces are stronger, it is easy to fall in the wrong wave, and quite difficult to focus and stay on the right way.
So how can you be positive all the time, you think: nobody can do that.
No, a lot of people do it, what is the difference between them?
Two kind of people: The sleeping, and the awake.
It is not the real sleep here, you should understand what the sleeper is: in fact, he is awake like everybody, so why is he a sleeper?

Just look around you, and try to find out: is that man awake or he is a sleeper? Do that exercise, and you will be astonished with the results, you will be able to feel people, to feel the energy, like you feel the wind touch on your skin…
He is a sleeper because he can’ t control, he doesn’ t see… Everyday, he wakes up like every people in this world(law of the universe, nobody can change it), however, he is not satisfied with his life, it is just a matter of doing things because they got to be done, because everybody is doing that…
The sleeper act, eat, do everything without vitality, without energy, without love, without passion, he is a sleeper, his life is empty.
Worst he doesn ‘t know what is life…
We will complete the sleeping case, and start with the awake, the enlighten case…